Biden In The Basement (revised)
I wonder whose basement this is? I used to know. But I forgot. Maybe it’s mine. I don’t think it is my Mom’s. She’s dead. At least, I think she is. Mommm? Nope. Not there. Dead!
There is this woman who visits. Not my Mom. I think it is my wife. I wonder what her name is? It escapes me. I have it written down somewhere. Nancy wrote it down for me. Whose Nancy? That woman in Congress who tells me what to do.
Nancy and Chuck say I can’t go out. Whose Chuck? A friend of Nancy’s I guess. I can’t go out because there is a virus. Flu’ or something. Or maybe it’s the reporters, who are like a virus. And my healthcare doesn’t cover them. And they ask questions, like my wife’s name. No matter Rachel Maddow will always answer questions for me.
I hate public appearances. I keep on forgetting to zip up my fly.
Here in the Basement, there is lots of stuff . Books and magazines and the NYT and WaPo and a big TV. And a computer so I can do Zam or Zop or Zoon — y’know that thing where everybody is on the screen and you can talk.
Mostly I use the computer for Pornhub. Just input “Loli” for all the Lolita videos! Now, THAT I remember. Where is my buddy Jeffrey when I need him?
Seems some woman is claiming I raped her or tried to. I kinda remember. But I don’t think so. I saw her picture. She looks OLD! I like’m younger. What was her name? Tora? Tera? Ah, “Tara”. Like in the movie, “Tara, Tara, Tara”. .
How does Donald do it? I mean, he had that porn queen, Starmy or Shwarmy or something. And he actually got it up. Well, I have the Blue Pills too. Well, I did until that woman took them away. The Wife Woman.
Nancy and Chuck are always phoning to see if I am still alive. And Barry. And Hillary. It’s nice to have friends. They keep on saying, “Don’t die until after the election”. What election?
Seems I have to do debates. Everyone promises me that the debates with Donald will go well because they will get the questions before hand and give me an earpiece to feed me answers just like they did with Hillary. They say the Media all love me because I am not Donald. Wonder why they hate Donald. He’s a Democrat, right? Oh…he switched. I forgot.
I really would like to be President. Nancy says it doesn’t matter if I win or not. But they need someone out there who looks good. And if I lose, they can claim the Russians did it or the Chinese or somebody. Nancy doesn’t really care because her position in the House won’t change and she is rich and buying her very own nursing home.. Barry says it doesn’t matter because he’s getting a lot more money for speaking to rich people and he will be even more popular if I lose.
The Israelis don’t care. Because they control the Presidency no matter who’s in power.
Still I worry about accidentally winning the election. Like I won the democratic nomination. Who’da thought? But I guess it wasn’t accidental. I do as I am told. And in this election, somebody will tell me what to do.
As I said — or did I say? — can’t remember — I probably won’t win. I don’t think they want me to win. Not sure who “they” is. But all those rich guys. We only have an election so they can convince people we have a “democracy”.
I wonder what a ‘democracy’ is? No matter, I have 40 years of experience doing as I am told, going with the flow. Stuff like that doesn’t matter.
Now, it’s time for Pornhub. I like the Japanese porn. The girls are all 18 but they look 13!
